Changing of the Winds

Alex and Alice
<3

I'm not really sure if anyone at all is still reading this, but a promise is a promise. I will regularly post on my blog until the end of May. I will warn that I wont be able to blog every night because I wont have something interesting to say every day and as much as I'm enjoying my job it is exhausting and I will admit I have been relying on energy drinks to get me through the days and nights lately.

My fundraising total has risen! It now stands at . . . £128!
With great thanks to:
Steph Cockburn - Friend of my older sister Felicity, and over many a hilarious/drunken night we have also become friends :) Steph's always there to support you no matter what.

Yesterday was an average day at work followed by a lovely couple of drinks at the Half Moon Pub. It was lovely to get the opportunity to chat with other staff members and get to know them a little better.

I will admit today has been a lovely day weather-wise, beautiful sunshine, but I have noticed something has changed within me lately.

As you all know I recently realised that I was existing instead of living, and although losing Alex enhanced my lack of interest in experiencing all that life has to offer, I can now see that it stems further back than that. I will admit that I feel I am not popular, pretty or in anyway special, I will state if ever asked that I am average. No amount of compliments, arguments or persuasion will change my mind.

I'm not explaining this for sympathy, I just want you to understand how big an impact Alex had and still has  on my life. I resigned myself at an early age that I am not and never will be anything special, that I would simply put everyone else's needs before my own because I knew one day in the future I will die (I promise I am not being morbid just stating the obvious). So with that in mind I put all my hopes, dreams and dilemmas aside and proceeded with putting everyone and their needs before my own.

Alex spurred me on for a year to do something that she knew I loved and I didn't see it as doing something for me because she made it seem like I was doing it to help the school. Alex encouraged me to sing, in music classes, in the school choir, in a school production and a small singing group called Vo-Cool. So much was learnt and gained in that small school year and I felt dreadful before a performance and on top of the world afterwards. Alex even made it to a couple of performances.

Alex used to say that one day she'd get an application form for one of the singing competitions you see on the TV and I would always say that I'm no where near good enough to attempt going on any such show. I miss these short conversations we shared because she was always so adamant that I should give it a go. Whilst watching Britain's Got Talent and The Voice, it reminded me of how Alex saw directly into who I really was behind the "Good Samaritan" façade that I showed the world and now realise that she was trying to return the favour.

Everyone goes through a phase where they simply don't care about certain things in their lives, but in the last couple of months I seem to have found that life is worth living and its worth living it to the fullest you possibly can. I know Alex treasured every minor memory and tried to leave a legacy in her wake, I personally am grateful that she did, or else I truly don't know how I would have coped this last year.

Vo-Cool
Luke, Alice, Michael, Me, Josh, Corrina, James

A word from Alex
To Becca, (Rhianna feat. Jay Z Umbrella!)
Just wanted you to know,
I'll never let you go,
When the sun shines we'll shine together,
I'll be here forever,
I said I'll always be your friend,
I took an oath Ima stick it our till the end,
Now that its raining more than ever,
We'll stick together,
You can stand under my umbrella!
Love Alex X